The Healing Process and What If’s Plan

26 February 2015

My last blog was about coping with severe pain and trying to advocate for myself. Now that the pain has lessened I am grateful to be healing. I believe there is a day soon where I will be back to regular life, I hope!

I know I am lucky that my pain is responding to treatment.

I had and still have moments of fear about the long term impact of my neck. A month ago I was afraid that every day would involve pain and limited mobility.  Everything seemed to make it worse: helping my son take a bath, driving, making coffee, typing, brushing my teeth. I couldn’t do my share of the work around the house and couldn’t care for Ben alone in the evening and morning. I started seeing my sick time at work dwindle. What would happen if I ran out of paid time off?  These thoughts and realities caused me to panic, get a tight chest, and have a stomach ache.

I still have moments of fear about the long term impact of my neck problems. When I have days of increased pain, I can feel the panic starting.  The way I help myself tamp down the panic is having a plan for the “what ifs”. It is a contingency plan directly related to my fears.

I started thinking about what I could do to earn money that didn’t involve lots of typing, driving, lifting or sitting?  I listed out all the people I know and put them into categories of work, friends, family, and people I access for services – stylist, doctors etc…. What connections might they have? Can my mom come over when I need help with Ben? Do I have friends that could help or that have teenagers looking for baby-sitting opportunities?

My Friends	My Family	Colleagues	Paid services (hair stylist etc.)
Sheri Deb Helen Julie Ellen Tanya Amanda	Steve Mom and Dad Aunt Lisa/Uncle Dave Alex Terry and Brian	Aniko Kathy S. Kathy M. Amanda S. Teresa	Janelle Kari Stephanie/Mackenzie (PT therapists) Dr. Swords

What was really helpful was listing out my most important relationships.  It was a good reminder about the friends and family I don’t see every day.  I realized there were a lot of people I haven’t talked to in a year or more; I still consider them close friends.  This prompted me to consider how to stay better connected to people.

On days when I feel fine, no tingling, numbness, or pain, I feel silly for panicking and spending time on my contingency plans. Yet, I gained so much comfort in mapping out my relationships – there are people who could help. The “what ifs” are covered or at least I have a plan.

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